How to Overcome Jealousy

written by Princess R. Lakshman

One of the most common, complex emotions felt by humans is known as Jealousy. The word Jealousy originates from the root Greek word, Zeal, meaning extreme passion or enthusiasm.

Jealousy manifests in the body when a person has thoughts of envy towards someone’s achievements, relationships or material possessions. Jealousy usually creeps into the person in the form of fear, anger or humiliation. 

From the Islamic perspective, the story of brothers Qabil and Habil, sons of Adam (AS), fabulously portrays the manifestation and consequences of jealousy in humans. 

Why do we feel Jealousy?
The underlying cause of jealousy is a lack of self-worth. Self-worth is how you feel about yourself. If you lack love, respect and trust in your own self and your abilities, your self-worth diminishes. It makes sense then to be negatively affected by someone else’s joys and accomplishments. Your negative thought patterns (whisperings from Shaytaan), will find ways to justify those feelings of jealousy in ways whereby you hold other people responsible for your own lack of self-worth.

For example, if the husband feels jealous about his wife’s close bond with her brother, it is time he reflected on his self-worth, especially with regards to feelings of rejection he may be harbouring from the past. Another example is when a woman is jealous of the accomplishments of another woman. This indicates deep-rooted insecurities and requires the woman who is feeling jealous to process the memories and feelings that evoke her insecurities.

Jealousy is nothing but a yearning for approval because somewhere deep in your subconscious mind there is a belief, toxic and unchallenged, that you are beneath others. This negative perception of self convinces you that you are worth less than another and therefore you feel hurt, humiliated, fearful and sometimes angry with this feeling of “inequality in worthiness”.

Jealousy = False Perception that someone is better than you

The Truth = You are neither beneath nor above anyone else. 

How to Overcome Jealousy

My motto in life is “awareness is the first step towards transformation”. Like anything in life, if you wish to transform something, you first need to become aware and identify what it is that requires transformation.

  1. Become aware of how your body behaves when you feel jealousy. 
  2. Acknowledge that you are feeling this negative emotion called jealousy. 
  3. Express this feeling to someone you trust by saying these words: “I am experiencing feelings of jealousy towards….and I need to understand why.” The moment you express it verbally, you are no longer letting the emotion control you. You empower yourself to respond appropriately to this emotion rather than react mindlessly and be controlled by it.
Affirmations to use when a situation evokes jealousy in you
Situation Affirmation
When someone you know experiences an increase in wealth and prosperity Alhumdolillah. ALLAH gives me whatever I need whenever I need it. I am blessed. I am grateful.
When a colleague receives praise and admiration at work Alhumdolillah. ALLAH recognises my efforts and rewards me in this life and in the akhirah.
When someone you know displays affection openly to his/her spouse Alhumdolillah. My marriage is a blessing to me. I am grateful. 
When someone you know has a loving relationship with their children Alhumdolillah. My children are a blessing to me. I am grateful.
When your sibling gets attention from your parents Alhumdolillah. ALLAH reward my parents for the love they give us.
When you meet someone who is physically attractive and knows it Alhumdolillah. ALLAH has blessed me and every other being with beauty and uniqueness.  
When someone you know displays his/her life’s successes openly online Alhumdolillah. ALLAH has blessed me with abundance and humility. I am grateful.
When your spouse gives attention to or praises one of your friends Alhumdolillah. ALLAH has blessed me with the abilities to serve my purpose for the sake of ALLAH alone. I am complete and content.
When your spouse spends money on his/her family Alhumdolillah. ALLAH has blessed me with a kind and generous soulmate. I am grateful.
When your spouse speaks about their previous marriage/relationship Alhumdolillah. ALLAH has blessed my marriage with trust and transparency.
When you compare your children with other children Alhumdolillah. All beings are equal in the eyes of ALLAH. My children are a blessing to me. I am grateful.

Always remember, you are not your experiences. You are the FORCE that overcomes them.

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Photo by Hasan Almasi on Unsplash

For more inspiration, check out the YouTube Channel for Muslimah Mind Matters

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